UPDATE!

Oh dear, I haven't posted for a while. Apologies. Been incredibly busy and haven't had much of a moment to myself for aages!

Where shall I start?
First off, I'm nineteen now, had my birthday on the 26th of June, during a two-week trip to Botswana!
I've also graduated from school, got a new job (had to leave my old one due to bad health and continual sick lines issued from my local GP) and I'm currently in college, studying Visual Communications.

College so far has been quite trying.
I was originally rejected from the course as they,for some odd reason, gave me a Conditional Offer that required me to get a "C" grade or higher in both Photography and  online Psychology (I failed psychology, but I always knew that that was going to happen as it was quite poorly run and not many people knew what they were doing during it). However, the course I was applying for only required 2 Scottish Highers, whereas I had 4. After asking about this, I was then offered an unconditional. Now,unfortunately, I before I had my unconditional, I had been sent an email before even given my rejection about the time and date of the course Induction. Upon having my rejection, I had deleted the email. Then after I had my conditional, I had phoned the Guidance department in the college to inquire when the course started. I was given the date and I had also assumed that this was also the induction date. Alas it was not and I had soon learned that I had missed the induction and made another panicky call to the Guidance department again. I was assured that this was fine and was to just turn up to the course on the staring date.

On the day,however, I was not 100% sure as to where I was supposed to go and went to reception to ask. I was then told that the Visual Communications course did not start that day. When I insisted that I had been told that it was that day, they checked their computer again and then sent me to one of the rooms in the college. I did not have a timetable,due to missing the Induction and little known to me, the next two hours were "Self directed study" with no lecturer. I sat in a classroom for 2 hours with 5 other people, sending my parents annoyed and confused texts. I found out in the class after what the two hours were supposed to have been and this frustrated me a lot as this was my first day and what the hell could I have used that two hours to study for as I had nothing to study?! I was able to get a photograph of a timetable from another classmate and noticed that I had a two hour break before my next class.I had already been incredibly nervous at the start of the day, what with being in a new place with a /lot/ of new people (this didn't bode well with my anxiety very well)  and unfortunately due to the bad start and the new realisation that I had two hours to kill with big crowds, I began to feel extremely stressed out and anxious. I then found out that,even though I started at 9am and this was supposed to be my first day, I was meant to stay until 7pm. This was a bit much to handle for me and I ended up feeling like I was going to break down in a panic attack and cry so I ended up going to the office, getting an "Absence Contact Sheet", and letting my tutor know that I had left early due to social anxiety.  I felt like I wanted to drop the course but one of my friends and parents urged to into giving it another try. So I did.

The next day, I went to the first class on my timetable and the lecturer looked at me oddly. She then informed me that the Guidance had sent me to the wrong class and that the timetable on my phone and the students around me were second years! I was a bit annoyed at this but relieved too as all the work I could see them doing looked much more advanced in skill than mine! So I was shown where I was /supposed/ to go and was happier to see that the students there seemed to also be on the same level of drawing skill as me.

Since then, college has still been stressful as a lot of the digital work is very much "learn it yourself and apply it to the briefs", which has also been frustrating as I can use photoshop but unlike my classmates, have little-to-no experience with other software such as Illustrator and Indesign. I had joined the course to be taught this yet I am expected to learn it myself and use that to (already!) design for well known companies!

Ah well

About myself

So I better start by describing myself as that seems to be a good start. I'm 18 years old,nearly nineteen, almost finished with school (graduation is coming up) bisexual, Genderfluid and a constant aspiring Babybat (Goth in progress!)

I'm a freelance artist, photographer and writer and love cosplay! I've recently joined a Lolita group in my community but due to my previously busy schedule and pure unluckiness with work,school or being ill, I have yet to attend any meet-ups and meet my fellow Lolitas 😭 I'll get there yet!

I started identifying as Genderfluid last year after finding out that that was the correct term for it. I've never felt as though I was purely just female and I knew that I was not physically male so I had previously been very confused and horribly self conscious, never feeling quite right in how was "supposed" to act or look/dress. After finding out that you didn't have to label yourself as a gender purely because of your appearance and that Genderfluidty was a thing, this opened up a whole new perspective to me and I felt freedom like I never had before. The few close friends that I originally told were wonderfully accepting, and proved my ridiculous fears that I was being selfish and freakish completely wrong. I am now fully open with my being Genderfluid and no longer care what others think of it ^_^


For the first few years of my life, in nursery and primary school, I went through the dreaded Pink Phase. Badly. I can proudly say that I am /long/ *cured* from this and have seen Sense as it were. XD
Towards the end of primary school and coming into High School, I started identifying myself as Goth, although due to being low on money and knowledge, I was not an obvious one as I looked nothing the part. This is still an ongoing thing but I have been improving throughout the years and have been trying hard to look and actually be myself.

This Blog will document my own personal progress with myself and those around me. I look forward to sharing my experiences with you ^_^  

A new beginning, a new adventure

So after many years of hearing about Blogging and observing a friend's own blog, I myself have decided to give it a go. I have no idea as to how this will go or whether or not it will be a success or a failure but like all things in life,it will quite possibly be a matter of trial and error. If anything, perhaps I'll gain experience, memories and possibly a few laughs along the way! I hope you enjoy whatever it is that I do end up posting about my life and continue to walk with my down my journey ^_^